I feel like an retired old man right now, I'm about to talk about a medical condition in great detail. OK, so it's not bodily fluids (brief bleeding aside) or genital talk or anything, so you'll survive.
Almost a year ago, I busted my elbow on something, I don't really recall. I got a nice little scab and didn't think twice about it. A few days later, I nailed it again. We're talking funny bone area here, so not the greatest feeling, but again, I don't recall much about it. The following few weeks, I must have busted the scab at least a dozen times. You'd think that by 31 I'd be fairly self aware, but it turns out my elbow has borrowed Harry Potter's invisibility cloak or something, cause I don't seem to have full awareness of its existence.
So I don't know at what point I really noticed something was odd but by January, I was dealing with a bump on my elbow where the scar once had been. I don't know what my deal was at that point, but I scratched it back into a scab and then went through another couple weeks of busting them back open.
A month or so following the bump started growing. It kinda reminded me of a wart at first. I've never had one, so I'm going solely on my perception of witches noses and toads left over from childhood. It was kinda weird and as the heat started rising in Spring, I began wearing short sleeves again. Band Aids with Neosporin worked out alright except I still wasn't actually aware my elbow existed when it came to arm articulations. I'd catch them on everything and have that sexy black ring around the area where the adhesive rubbed against god knows what.
So I needed something sturdier. Corn pads! That'll dry it up AND give it better protection, right? Ever bought or used these things? QUITE CREEPY TO HAVE ON YOUR ELBOW, now that I think about it. They're like a quarter inch thick and have a hollow center where a medicated pad fits over the lump. Kinda like a hemorrhoid donut for what should be your foot, but in my case, my elbow.
The top started to dry up and turn black. Skin shouldn't turn black unless a tattoo, latex or some other substance has been applied. So I chose to alternate days. Corn Pad, Air it out, Neosporin Band Aid, Repeat. On the air it out days at least four over the the few weeks I repeated, I busted it on the car door and bled all over the place.
So here's the best description I can give of what Neosporin did to it. Ever see a Star Nose Mole? Here's one.
Yep, that's what this began to look like. It's like each cell on my elbow decided to grow into a tower away from my body. Not that long or anything totally gross, but enough that this was the image in my head. Followed by OH MY GOD, people have to think I have leprosy or something! Who can't see this bump on my elbow? I mean really, isn't that the first thing you see on someone? Then their shoes and eyes right?
So we're well into summer at this point and my wife schedules me an appointment with a dermatologist. Yeah, so apparently this is a high demand field (I guess since skin cancer is the number one fatal cancer, it should be) because they booked me a month and a half out. Yeah, so I have work meeting in Houston the same day. I canceled and requested another appointment, maybe a few days before? You know, cause they have cancellations and whatnot right? The receptionist laughed in her email response. Seriously, typed HAHAHAHA followed by, we can reschedule for October. I replied I'm positive it's cancer so fuck you very much too. She didn't respond.
I set up an appointment with my normal doc, who is also very over booked. Three weeks. I guess back to school hits him pretty hard...in a good way. Maybe he took a vacation. It's not like I see him often, so who knows.
Somewhere between the dermie appointment and cancellation, one of my employees told me they'd had something that looked just like it removed from their forearm and it WAS cancer. That's the only reason I've gone down this road. I'm basing my medical advice on that of a 65 year old who surely wouldn't steer me wrong. Cause no one that old isn't practically Jesus right?
So tonight I decided to look it up because it has begun to hurt over the past week. Stab me in the eyeballs and dump bleach in the sockets. Google Image Searching "skin cancer" is horrific. Lesions EVERYWHERE. Boobs half gone. Faces Hollywood couldn't design! GAHROSS!
Here ya go!
So, since WebMD was no help, I'm appealing to you, please tell me what this is!
Side note: It's astonishingly difficult to photograph your own elbow with an crappy old iPhone.
Kinda looks like a hairy boob.
It's all crusty and craggy like an alien planet now. If you made it through this post without bailing or being totally grossed out, I commend you and would highly recommend visiting your local nursing home. They'd love to tell you all about their recent trip to the bathroom for sure!