Thursday, April 28, 2011

Stalker Alert or Fun Feature?

Facebook is far worse than Google with information gathering/sharing/selling/stealing.  I'm not saying that you can't buy more useful information from Google in terms of a person's likes and pattern of behavior.  An advertiser might be better off paying for a Google list than ever posting an ad on Facebook. 

A stalker on the other hand...Facebook all the way.  I'll come back to this in a second.

Last night was 31 cent night at Baskin Robbins. (still can't believe a cent sign is that pointless that my Blackberry, iPhone and Keyboard don't even bother to include it.  $0.31 just doesn't have the same effect.  Maybe I'm just getting old and curmudgeonly.) Some of you might remember the company being called 31 flavors, hence the $0.31 scoop deal. 

We bought the kiddo's and ourselves some sweet creamy goodness.  It was my 9 month old's first go round with happiness in a cup.  The cold surprised him at first but then he wasn't taking no for an answer.  My two and a half year old was a chocolate covered fool by the end of it.  A local fire department had a truck out front and let the kids climb all over it and try on the uniforms.  Good times.

Now I've seen many a friend scoff at the check in feature on Facebook.  "Why would anyone care where I am as my FB status?" and other such logic seems to be applied.  Screw off is what I say, you post that you're having your morning coffee.  What's the difference in the scheme of mundane unimportance?

So I checked us in.

Here Now? I don't know these people!
So let me get this straight.  Facebook is obviously looking to expand our sad little Social world into a truly interactive Real Life experience.  You meet someone at the local ice cream shop and hit it off.  Now you can immediately become Facebook friends?  Or is this more for Baskin Robbins?  I just see a slew of real life stalkers being able to cyber stalk as tool to more efficiently real life stalk. 

And on a related note, you know how Apple maintains that they don't store your location on your iPhone? (Link)  I call BS!  Ever look at the places tab on your photos?  That's not even zoomed all the way in.  I can see hundreds of pin points around our house and neighborhood when I pull it. 

Sadly, while it might seem like all of this really bothers me, I'm actually quite careless when it comes to privacy.  Then again being a blogger implies you don't want to hide nearly as much as everyone.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Long Lost, Phone

I've thought about this little part of my life a lot here lately.  Had several stories to share and yet when I sit down to type, nothing feels right.  I've deleted multiple posts lately.  I'm not sure why either.  I've blogged some utter crap before, why am I being so critical now? 

Any hoo. 

On February 25th I was the long time, obsessive owner of a trendy time waster called an iPhone.  I'm sure you've heard of them.  If not, can I join you on your private island? 

On February 26th that changed.  No, I didn't buy a Droid...though the thought has crossed my mind in the past few weeks.  I already own a Blackberry for work, so the take away here is that I didn't give up my phone.  It was removed from my possession.  Yep, taken from me, the wound is still raw so please be gentle.

To my dismay, I knew the culprit well.  In a parallel universe where I am far more vindictive, cruel and irrational, said ne'erdowell might have lost a limb or four for such a crime. 

My two year old daughter absconded with my phone one evening.  This may be typical behavior for her in that she plays games and does flash cards or watches Netflix from my phone.  The difference?  It didn't come back. 

I called it after she was asleep to track it down.  Immediately, our son wakes up from his cradle in our bedroom.  I assumed it was in there.  Later that night and the next morning, I searched everywhere in the room for it.  No luck. 

I asked my little angel where my phone was.  She took my hand and brought me into the garage (where my wife and I had been working earlier that day in preparation a garage sale).  We looked about for awhile and returned to the dining room where she says, "Oh no, Daddy phone lost."

Was the garage just a diversionary tactic to make me think she was putting in the effort when in reality she couldn't care less about my phone's whereabouts?  The answer to that rhetorical question was a resounding yes.

After a few weeks, I'd given up.  We'd held a successful garage sale that required a spring cleaning of all the rooms in the house.  There was no possible way we'd overlooked it.  Though, I'd still spend at least 10 minutes a day searching the random spots in the know, under the bathroom sink, behind the nursery dresser, in the crevice between the water heater closet and the dryer, etc.  NADA.  The only plausible idea was the trash can. 

She'd been slightly obsessed with her new skill around the same time.  This skill being stepping on the lid lever and tossing our nonessentials away.  I'd assumed she'd done the same with the television remote a few months prior but it turned up in the underlining of the couch during my frantic phone search.  So at least there's a perk and a glimmer of hope, right?

7 weeks later, I've been burning up on our new mattress at night so I was in search some satin sheets in hopes of nocturnal relief.  Sheets are in a bin/basket on the top shelf of our closet but it didn't contain the cool silky black comfort I craved.  I continued my search.  Opposite side of the closet, I felt the supple fabric that would surely be my savior...and the edge I tugged was black from what I could see from below.  To my surprise, this was not what I was looking for.  This particular bin contained a slew of naughty negligees.  Sadly, I'd not seen any of this lingerie since my wife was pregnant with the phone thief. 

There amidst satin and lace lie my long lost phone.  Glee over came me.  I'm pretty sure I was temporarily possessed by a 14-year-old girl as I cried out "My Phone, My Phone, Oh My God, My Phone!  Lookie, Look!"

It wasn't until later that I realized the true irony here.  My daughter busted up my wife's self body image and caused the lingerie to become irrelevant.  She also caused the fire in the kitchen which in turn inspired our garage sale.  Then she just dumped my phone where ever she pleased after using it.  My wife going through the bin apparently for said garage sale had left it down and presumably the same evening hoisted it back to it's home with a stow away.  Because my daughter is only a few inches north of 3 feet tall, why would my wife in her stay-at-home-mom search of the house for my missing phone have ever thought to look above her own head for my phone? 

The worst part, the fact that I didn't even know that the lingerie bin existed resoundingly says more about us than the fact that I went personal phoneless for nearly two months than I dare admit.

My effing phone is back and, while I lost many a Words with Friends game, all is well again in Dorn's world...telecommunicationly speaking at least.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Throw Your Boss Over The Edge

One of my store's does a decent amount of business with the local chapter of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.  The rep was in a few weeks ago while I was paying them a visit.  We were chatting about his company and he was sharing some stories of wishes and how they choose or what stars let kids down etc. 

You know how the foundation will have people do a walk, run or march and gain sponsors to raise money for the charity?  Well this year they are doing something a little different.  They are contracting with one of the skyscrapers downtown.  The contest will be called "Over The Edge."  People will literally be repelling down a 30 story building for charity!  (Link)

The deal is you have to get $1500 in sponsors.  One of the ideas they have is "Throw Your Boss Over The Edge."  So all your employees round up the cash and toss you off the roof.  Sounds Awesome. 

My guys are considering it.  I'm game.  While I'm not afraid of heights, I'm sure I'll have a moment of panic if it comes to fruition.  Cleared it by the wife, while it's dangerous, they'll have us harnessed in and being a non-profit, they surely will have unimaginable safety measures in place.  Not really worried about corporate nixing it, though they might put up a struggle at first. 

I really need to get in shape though.  It's in June.  I can't be the weak one who can't even make it down. 

I'll keep you posted if this is a reality.  Would you do it?  30 Stories or over 300 feet.  Should be a rush!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Potty Talk

My little girl has been potty trained for quite some time with the exception of a diaper at nighttime.  We've been working toward eliminating that too.  Needless to say, we spend a lot of time in restrooms together.  Restaurants and stores are a must, she can't resist the call of uncharted territories. 

Tonight while we are watching a movie she says "potty" so we pause and I take her in to the bathroom.  She's been working on going by herself lately.  She can get the light on and climb up on the stool, drop her drawers and get on the toilet without assistance. 

She starts to go and looks at me and says "Aw, feel much better."

When did she become an 80-year-old man?

While at an outdoor concert a few weeks ago, she had to potty at least 10 times.  Boredom begets creative freedom fighting.  She went with mommy the first time.  Every time after, I ended up going instead. 

She explained that "Mommy take pink potty."  So when I took her into a blue port-a-potty it was a new experience.  Our first time in a blue potty was fine...still early in the evening.  Men are pigs in the bathroom.  Port-a-potties are disgusting.  The combination of the two is horrifying.  Daddy started taking her to pink potties then.

We get back to the group and she announced "Daddy go girl potty. Blue potty Daddy.  No Pink Potty."


Friday, April 1, 2011

April Fools

I've never been one to pull pranks of friends for April Fools even though I've had ideas pop in my head the whole year through.  Well, except when I worked in the restaurant industry, we pranked each other all day, but nothing super planned.  My wife assured me that there will be no "we're pregnant calls" today to put this fool into a tailspin!

I've been mulling over pranking one of my best store operators. Walking in to tell them about a customer calling me with a giant complaint that I can't find any alternative but to demand their keys immediately. On second thought, while he has a good sense of humor and I know I can pull it off, I don't know if it's worth it. Scare the bejezus out of him for what? My own enjoyment.  Probably not a good idea.

Yep, I just realized I'm an old fuddy duddy.  Then again, the boss is on vacation, so I don't have to worry about him getting a complaint call until after it all settles down. 

You pranking anyone this year?