Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Push Don't Pull

Went to Ikea tonight.  We are tweaking our office at home a little and needed to pick up some cost effective shelving.  The little girl had to potty as soon as we arrived, right on cue!

We went into the family bathroom to fix everyone up.  What to do with my son?  Ah ha!

This might be my favorite invention ever.

I've actually thrown my daughter on my shoulders to pee while at the movies before.  These should be installed in every bathroom stall period!

Genius no?

So while waiting for nature to take her course, I couldn't help but notice that the Swedes had a lost in translation moment.  Though honestly I wouldn't put it past Arkansas to be behind this.
Medical Alert Device, way to plan ahead.

The instructions are very specific.  You just might want to ignore them and follow your gut instinct instead.  

Here's their first big whoops.
Fire can be a medical emergency right?

So they redeem themselves now by sticking to the plan.
Remember? Lift cover. Whew! Glad that worked out for us.

(I was going to get a glare free shot of the next image but set off the alarm doing so.  I slammed it shut while simultaneously swallowing my heart back into my torso.)
Aw hell.  What am I supposed to do now?  
Heart attack and flames around my bare ass!
Now they're giving me more mixed signals than Samantha Tonnubee my senior year at reverse Prom!
(Morp, basically a Sadie Hawkins dance where the girl asks the guy.)
(I got none that night, but when I left her, I had that gut, I'm an idiot for not acting on that, feeling!)

Back to the dilemma at hand.
Push is quite clearly their intention.
Though I read Pull just half a second ago.
Shit, now they're asking me to turn and reset.
Ah hell.  St. Pete, you can have my stalled heart burnt to a crisp hull.
Ikea, thanks for letting me die because of faulty instructions.

Oh wait, maybe you really saved me.
I could have had to actually take your directions home on a four thousand piece entertainment cabinet that would require a two year stint at VoTech and three solid years of steady assembly to construct. 
Whew, that was a close one, now where's my halo.
Damn it's hot up here, thought for sure it would smell like fresh lenins.
Instead it smells like someone dropped a rotten egg.

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