Thursday, December 16, 2010

I Love Texas

Some experiences can only be explained away by location.  I'm sure Arkansas, Pennsylvania, Mississippi, West Virginia, Alabama, Kentucky and Oklahoma could garner a similar experience.

I arrived home from work the other day at 6:15pm.  I pulled into the drive and walked to the street to check the mail and bring the trash can up to the garage.  As I'm headed to the house, wheelie bin in tow, I hear my neighbor holler, "Dorn, Come See What I got!"

I saw him between the garage and the cars with his kids when I pulled in.  I'd waved and said hello before I grabbed the mail.  I'm not thinking any big deal.  I did know that his leaf blower had broken a few weeks ago, so I figured it was a new toy.

Ladies and gentleman, I do not hunt.  I'm not a vegan, nor do I value the life of an animal over that of a human.  This made me want to jump out of my skin.

Yep, that's a fox....I promise it is not a cat, look at it's pointy nose.

My neighbor and his brood (triplet five year old girls and a seven year old boy) were standing around a work table with that little guy laying on it.  His son said "We're gonna skin it!"  One of his little girls was stroking its tail.  Another asked "Daddy are we gonna eat it?"  Thankfully he and I were unanimous as we synchronously blurted out "You don't eat Fox."

I'll admit it was a pretty animal.  The fact that he was tanning it wasn't upsetting, my wife owns a coat or two with fox around the collar.  It was just jarring, kinda like walking into the middle of a horror movie...everyone's dying and you don't know what's led up to it but the rest of the folks around you seem at ease about the whole situation.

He explained that the lady driving in front of him hit it.  He couldn't see what it was but pulled over in case it was a coyote.  He was going to shoot it if it was still alive so it wouldn't just be miserable.  When he saw it was a fox he knew he had to take it home to his kids.  Such a good dad.

I went inside to help my wife get the kids ready, we were going Christmas shopping.  I'd told my wife about it and showed her the pictures.  She thought it was cool.  We left the house less than 10 minutes later. Our neighbor met us in the driveway with a fully skinned fox...hand covered in blood.  I'll freely admit that it intimidates me that he can skin anything in under 10 minutes...let alone with the seeming precision at which this was done.  (My kitchen skills with Fish and Chicken don't count!)

As my wife admired it, my daughter didn't even notice its existence.  She was too caught up with "BOY!" er, her "nickname" for his son.  No joke she wails for "BOY" forever after they are separated. 

I love Texas!


  1. Hey, the title of your post (and last sentence...) provide a good opportunity to share a quick story with you that I think you'll appreciate.

    I went to Woodstock '99 -- the riots one -- with my best friend. The three day event happened a couple of weeks prior to my 21st birthday, so we had to smuggle in some booze. My buddy worked at a plant here in MI that bottles milk in plastic containers. So he acquired an empty gallon jug and a cap that had an unbroken seal. We filled the gallon with vodka and put it in a cooler with three gallons of water. (The vodka gallon looked like it was an untampered container of water.)

    This was essentail because we cut across Canada on our way there and my car actually did end up getting searched. But the officer saw four gallons of "water" and no drugs -- which we didn't have, because it wasn't our thing -- and let us on our way.

    Once at the site, I got quite drunk on vodka and o.j. And by "quite drunk," I naturally mean "I don't remember much about the first day and swore off alcohol forever the morning of the second day after dry-heaving for hours on end and praying for death."

    Anyhow, there was a shuttle that went from the grounds to the local town. We took the shuttle for some reason or other and while on the bus, I started talking to everyone around me.

    (Normally, I'm a quiet, shy and resereved fella, but once I get liquored up, I can be extremely social.)

    Upon the realization that just about everyone else on the bus -- besides me and my buddy -- was from Texas, I stood up and loudly proclaimed "I may not know much, but I know this: Texans are f***ing tough as nails!"

    The entire bus cheered wildly.

    So there may not be many things in life I know about, but that there is one of them. :)

  2. That's really funny. Oh the power of alcohol! I'm jealous you experienced our generations debacle that was Woodstock '99. I bet it was a least what you can remember!