Monday, November 1, 2010

Day 1 - Something You Hate About Yourself

Seems like this one could take up each day of the month, but when I really think about it there are lots of things that disappoint or irritate me about myself, but hate, that's some strong negativity. 

My general lack of follow through is what I am most disgusted by.  I have dozens of projects around the house that I've completed and work or look perfect.  Same with work.  I've done some amazing things.  But for each one of those amazing things, there are two or three unfinished or unstarted projects or goals that haunt me.

The ones at home are the worst, but somewhat understandable.  I get home and just want to chill and spend time with my family.  That shelf can wait.  Those weeds can be pulled another day.  It should be the opposite. This is our home, and I want to make it the best, but I'm not beating myself up too badly over it.  On the other hand.  The child proofing that stopped before the cabinet doors were latched is a really stupid lazy thing.  I keep setting a goal/deadline for myself and failing.  This is the type of thing I want to change.

At work, if paperwork is involved, it is guaranteed to be pushed to the back burner.  I've found that I can fill a day up with tasks that leave me feeling unaccomplished by quitting time.  I have begun going through the bins of paperwork and realizing some of it has been there for a year or more.  Luckily, I'm just supposed to review it and store it for future reference.  But damn.  2011 is approaching and I still have 09 that I haven't even looked at!  And little things that have gone beyond the point of reason just sit there.  I seem to have the mindset that it's been put off so long, how do I go to the folks who correct things like this and explain myself.  So I put it off further.  Yes all of this seems to be procrastination, but ultimately there is just no follow through.

Where it isn't procrastination is when it comes to some of my more difficult human interactions and confrontations.  If a customer is in a pissy mood because they've screwed up and don't want to hear it's their fault, they call me.  If I hear "So and So behind the counter is so rude" and investigate before returning the call only to find that the person returned the car a week late and didn't like the price increase, I just don't want to even talk to them.  Hearing "NO" in any form, regardless of delivery,has become the new "rude" and "worst customer service ever!"  I hate talking to these customers.  I'd say half of them get a call back.  The rest I let the competition have.  That is entirely unacceptable.  I know it, but I haven't seemed to muster up the professionalism to just dial them back with consistency. 

Worse though, are the 10% of my direct reports whom I hate dealing with.  These are the pushy little bastards who want want want and give a big fat zero.  I'll push off my monthly visit to a point where I know I'll only be able to spend 15 minutes in their store instead of half a day like I will other folks.  I guess that's how I ended up in my latest predicament.  I've terminated 5 contracts over the last couple months.  This means I'm having to replace 5 as well.  Guess what!  I've only filled 3!  Damn it.  Leading me to the worst of the worst.  Interviews, I put them off til the last possible minute and then have a hard time telling folks no.  You have to be really bad to hear I don't want you within the first week or two.  Some people I've strung along for a month before I've let them know "we are going a different direction." 

Wow, I guess there is more that I hate and is most deserved of hate that I realized.  Luckily tomorrow is a positive note.  I'm not sure setting a goal for follow through would be appropriate as I don't know if that's a measurable item.  Maybe instead I could guarantee to complete or at minimum begin each task as it crosses my desk instead of creating a massive to do list and barely denting it.

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