Wednesday, October 27, 2010

So Touchy Feely

I got off early today.  I came home to find an empty house.  The wife and kids and in-laws are out Halloween shopping.  Savor the brief moments to yourself right? I cracked open a bottle of wine and have been watching Oprah.  I know right?  I'm feeling like a housewife already!

Jane Fonda is on.  Dude, did you realize she's 75 years old?  Holy moly!  Aside from what I can only describe as a case of pink eye, that woman still looks great!

She's talking about doing a life review.  Interviewing family and reflecting back on her own life.  Basically, she is going through and figuring out all the things that happened when she was caught up in her own self interest.  She basically was checked out during her own life.  No parenting whatsoever.  Her life and all the crazy crap and people that woman has done isn't my point though.

She was talking about abuse and how it affects your very psyche (my paraphrasing) and how her mother's own abuse and suicide changed her.  I suddenly realized I was getting very irritated.  I'm not about to diminish the horrific life shattering event(s) abuse as a child can be.  I am entirely uncomfortable listening to people who have discover (her words) "it wasn't their fault, nothing is their fault."  I don't mean the abuse.  That is obviously not the child's fault.  Suicide is rarely someone else's fault. 

What I do mean is, writing off your own past failings and deplorable behavior because you or someone else were abused or a parent took their life is crap.  I don't understand how she can sit there as a figure people look up to (don't go there...) and say that if you were abused as a child and were a horrible parent, you are absolved of wrong doing. 

One of my best friends constantly speaks in terms of how things affect psyches.  For example: Two children, both of low social economic, one black, one white; the white child will have a better chance of success in life because there are people around them that tell them they can do better.  The black child will have a greater chance of failing because he won't have the same praise and encouragement.  I'm not going into how much I disagree with so much of that paraphrased concept!

Both of them though speak about how most of the time, things people do and how they interact with the rest of society is entirely their own responsibility.  Jane and my friend aren't nearly as shallow as I'm portraying them.  My ultimate point is that I think I'm becoming a true crumudgeon!  I don't give a crap about the touchy feely things in life any more.  I definitely consider the affect on others when I speak and act, but I have no patience to listen to this kind of retarded droll. 

Maybe I just need more wine.  Maybe this is my own inner self evaluation.  I'm just a colder hearted person.  That must be my attraction to my wife.  She's even less sappy than myself. 

Please don't pick apart my disdain for Jane's abuse statements, it really has nothing to do with it, I'm just realizing I don't want to hear it from others.  I'm a bad person, I know.  I'm just glad I can finally accept it.  Oh, now am I being touchy feely?  Damn.


  1. True curmudgeons rarely tag their thoughts with "Emotions, feelings, life," so take it easy on yourself.

    I can only say that I've seen parents who really aren't rooting for their kids to succeed, and that's a poison that's hard to cure.

    OK, I'll say something else, too... If you believe that life isn't fair, that hard times can hit good people with little reason -- and that jerks can thrive, then try to accept that everyone is struggling with their own circumstances. I try (it's hard, but I try) to assume that everyone is just doing their best with what they've got. Some will prove me wrong. But I'd rather start there.

  2. You're right, we all do struggle. I really do believe anything can change, it just takes effort. Effort many of us (yes me included) get lazy about and fail to actually enact any change.

    That friend I referred to above also talks about parents projecting themselves onto their children (as a negative). He thinks that our feelings or failings are hyper exaggerated as fears and manipulations we put on our children. It's that type of psychoanalysis (at least communicating in those types of terms) that makes me uncomfortable. I'm thinking my lack of knowledge and ability to speak in the non tangible is what makes it so. Maybe less in the thinking.

    Dunno. I'm starting to ramble in this comment, so I'm gonna just stop.

    Thanks again SG for continually stopping by and delivering your sage advice.