Friday, September 17, 2010

Wine, Uncorked with Ted Allen

I caught the last half of an episode of Uncorked on PBS last night.  Apparently it is a 6 part series hosted by Ted Allen (formerly part of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's Fab Five, now a Food Network whore).  It is supposed to be wine made simple.  While I did enjoy the show, the pretentiousness surrounding wine is laughable; my wife and I sat and made fun of much of it along the way.

As an aside, we spent our honeymoon in Sonoma and San Francisco, that does not make me an expert on wine, but it does imply I do really love the stuff!

This one in particular was on Napa Valley. So they try to claim it is wine made simple.  But the couple whose conversation we came in the middle of was beyond pompous.  It was a film critic and a wine connoisseur...not necessarily a sommelier.  She was teaching him to taste wine properly.  They used straight up $2 words.  I understood less than half of what they babbled on about except that in a he was an ass in front of Martin Scorsese by incessantly talking about wine and gargling it.  BUT, they peppered their "performance" with a waiter/wine expert from a restaurant.  He insisted that wine be spoken about in food terms because that's what it is.  Rich, Sweet, Robust, Thick, Light, Acidic, Buttery, etc as opposed to Intelligent, Austere, Lively, or Sassy.  I'm not saying they don't make writing reviews about a wine more creative and fun, but when describing them to your party/friends you just sound like an ass. 

The episode wasn't worthless, like I said earlier, I actually liked it.  But watching that last section reminded me of the two different groups I ran with when I first started drinking wine.  I had an evil, psycho ex-girlfriend who introduced me to wine.  Her tastes, honestly are still my tastes.  Nothing sweet, definitely not Lambrusco, Muscato or White Zin.  Dry whites and any variety of red are my favorites.  She and my wife have that in common...I swear I'll deny this was penned by me if you read this dear.  Common wine tastes are surprisingly important in a relationship...but maybe that's just my inner alcoholic talking.  My bartender coworkers were very normal in our approach with wine, we all loved it, but no one was such a wine snob that we wouldn't drink that giant Yellow Tail bottle of chard in an evening...just be able to handle some playful mocking for it.  The opposite were my non-restaurant friends.  Those who would try to describe a cheap ass bottle of wine in terms Robert Sinskey wouldn't make me endure. 

I'd like to see the episode on France with Billy Merritt.  I know nothing about French wine other than it's a bunch of names I can barely pronounce...some I'll never attempt in public for fear of sounding like one of those "I"ll have a Mur Lot"(yup sounds just like Sookie)  customers I used to wait on back in the day.  Frankly, humor is key to this show and from what I could tell of the clip I saw on imdb.com, it looks great.  Plus, a fat man talking about food and wine frankly just has SOOO much more credibility to me.  No offense Mr Allen, but your salary put you out of my "peer review" realm four television series ago!

So did I insult your tastes with my Lambrusco, Muscat, Blush comments?  Are you the type that can't find basic words to describe the $100 bottle of Pinot, so Inteligent and Multi-Faceted is only scratching the surface?  What are your favorites?  Have you watched the other Uncorked episodes?  What am I missing, or should I just leave it alone? 

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