Friday, August 13, 2010

TWC, I've About had it with your Shenanigans

Time Warner Cable's positive self promotional ad campaign for the last couple years has been "Rule Your Kingdom."  They were amusing at first.  Here is one with a woman channel surfing, commanding her shows to amuse her in a faux Old English accent.  They have lots of these, some good most really annoying.

My favorite is a couple on the couch and the husband's best friend calls (his caller ID appears on the TV screen).
Man: Oh, it's Jim (reaching for the telephone)
Wife: (touching his hand) Stay thy hand.  Thou mayst speak with him upon the morrow at the bowling of the balls.  Tonight we laugh and feast.
Man. (Sits back and begins eating popcorn from a bowl) Is this the whole feast, or are we working on something else?
TWC's tag line comes over about you having the power and ruling your kingdom.  I love it.  Simple, homey and comfortable.  The whole dialog is really clever in my opinion. 

They are also running a series of mudslinging commercials against the competition.  

I won't torture you with the ridiculous Mike O'Malley commercials that have ruled my kingdom with a semi humorous but ultimately retarded everyman shtick. Basically his ads are designed to attack the satellite companies' HD services and whatnot.  "Direct TV hates puppies."  "The satellite company is worse than my mother-in-law."  "The satellite company is like the crappy neighbor you can't stand."  (No kidding, the puppy commercial is real.)

The one that is presumably aimed at Texans attacking AT&T's Uverse is probably the most all encompassing insult to everyone's intelligence.  There are a couple of redneck gentlemen at a BBQ cook off.  One is a larger fella with a handlebar mustache thing going on, talking in a fake hick accent and is wearing a mechanic's uniform of sorts.  The other is rather nondescript, but doesn't say much, so it's just as well.  Handle bar guy is making some analogy about team work, false representation or something equally stretching and says he must be thinking about Uverse.  They glance over at a couple of skinny gentlemen dressed like wannabe cowboys getting singed by the grill and recoiling like little wimpy sissies.  Clipping back to Mustachio he continues about how Time Warner is great and blah blah blah not like "them satellite boys."  Then he makes a snide reference to the impostors from New York City and points his tongs back at the skinny crew.  Nondescript adds "Yeah, Buddy" as the commercial wraps up.

The thing is, these Texans are obviously just caricatures of what an outsider thinks of Texans.  The New York city sauce users are obviously supposed to be incompetent city folk...seriously skirting derogatory gay slandering there TWC with the general visual implications...just has me confused.  It insults both the group they are trying to appeal to and insults everyone else in their failed attempt at it.  Besides, It's literally a Pace Picante rip off...if you don't know what I'm referencing, here's the link.

I'm fed up with their service in general.  So this is probably why I'm over analyzing it to begin with.  I would just like to quit hearing TWC slander everyone and sing their own praises when they rape you just as badly as Apple & AT&T do with iPhone users.  The difference is, I willingly was drawn to the shiny pretty things in Apples world.  I don't have another cable option.  I literally have to Frankenstein it with Uverse or Dish Network and Clear Wireless.  Either way, I'm not using cable.  I thought monopolies were illegal?  Then again, I'm probably confusing reality with Austin's liberal ideals.  Has anyone else seen these?  Anyone have recommendations on cable & internet alternatives?


  1. I SO hear your pain. The cable companies here in NY are constantly digging each other AND the satellite service. Almost as many ads for tv/internet/phone as car companies. We've got quite a few to choose from but on MY (new) street, there's only one game in town. We can do Comcast for all 3 services, or try satellite for TV and Verizon for phone & internet. You get penalized (read: charged more) if you sign up for less than all 3 services. I don't have the answers!

  2. So they got us on the whole package the cable, phone and internet deal to get a discount. We don't need a home phone, but whatever, it's basically free. Then you get your bill and there are TONS of fees and taxes added. Hoodwinked is the right word I believe.

    They also make it seem silly to get cable from the phone company. How bout the phone from the cable company? Howdy Kettle, this is Pot!

  3. What does Pace Picant taste like? This NYer will never know.

  4. look at your Google ads below....

    Time Warner Cable
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    DIRECTV - Official Site
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    Comcast® - Official Site
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    Full T1 - $199/month
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  5. Bless Google's little heart and intrusive spider legs! Eventually they'll be able to pick up sarcasm and interpret phrases to properly hit their target audience. I've seen posts about Nike's horrific sweatshops and an advertisement for Nike right below.

    As for Pace, I grew up on the stuff and well, I've since found fresh is best when it comes to salsa.