Friday, August 27, 2010

Late Night Friday-Free-For-All

God, I'm becoming a rip off artist. When I'm not whining and moaning about my life, I'm stealing the ideas of others. Bray (LINK) has a Friday Free-For-All (or whatever day he gets around to it) that always cracks me up. I'm not promising to deliver his powerhouse level posting, but I'll enjoy trying.  And don't even give me any crap over the picture quality.  Apple's camera sucks.

Wasn't sure where to begin.
So, I'll start off with some low hanging fruit.
Well chubby peas really.
What the hell lady?
I was sitting in the lobby and in walked this.
Ever expanding flesh has pushed that
Little pinky toe to a full 90 degree angle!

********************************************************

While that grossed me out, this topped it.
Homey's rockin' PINK tighty briefs!
 Skinny jeans on men and keds
both equally pathetic.
Topped only by the fact that he couldn't
drive his own car onto the auto trailer by himself.
In fact, this model would probably kick his ass.

*************************************************************

Moving on to more pressing issues.
What the hell is up with this heat?
Actually my phone and this jacked some stuff UP!

This load of bull shit is from a friend in Oklahoma.
Then again, if the heat doesn't kill them
The chili cook off at the old folks home surely will!
Or maybe the Parent of the Year will finalize it for the little tyke.
What, are you going to try to tell me it's safe because the kid has a helmet on?
Go eff yourself.

Then again, maybe he was like this guy:
Does the phrase "I Pull Out"
serve as a pick up line?
a promise?
the ultimate "it wasn't my fault, I'm not responsible, it's your problem now?"

But Texas does try to protect those Parents of the Year and other 
Organ "Donor-Cycle" Riders.
 Then again, they're not so subtle in their approach lately.
Who knows, maybe it'll save a life!

*********************************************************

So Cali voted against Gay Marriage.
Judge Vaughn Walker said y'all's just wrong!

Meanwhile Iowa is clinging on to their supported victory!
In all it's tacky splendor.
Way to miss the bigger picture effers.

 Speaking of things Liberals love to protest.
Thank you Arizona, for making an existing Federal Law that has
100% common sense backing and turning
it into a rediculous cluster f@&% that NO one will 
acknowledge is valid for fear of being labeled a bigot.

All of you bigoty gringos could use a refresher course in Spanish
If you don't know what they're saying, how will you ever control them?
Just remember they call you Pendejo out of respect for your superiority!

 Then again, even my GPS doesn't acknowledge Arizona's existence.
Seriously tripped me out, the gulf should NEVER be on the left side of the map!
I realize it's keeping the direction I'm heading facing up, but shit!
I wouldn't have noticed had the stupid zoom not acted a fool.

Then again, some people don't mind making a dead man a bigot.
Poor Paul Newman, do you think they even asked
about the sombrero and mexi-stache before he died?

Oh, while we're on the topic of salsa!
These are a genius idea!

Cause you never know when you'll need your munchies fix!
Even this trucker keeps his oven on hand at all times!

But if you're shopping for you munchie fix

Avoid the vegan section labeled "Meat"

But back to the Mexi-staches 
This is my buddy trying to be cool like the rest of the Austin Crowd.
Yep, I just called your ass out.
Shave that shit.

And speaking of Calling someone out!
My buddy's dad sure laid it all out there for us on Yahoo!
Oh and if you're going to call someone out for acting like a child...
check your own grammatical errors first.
Who knows where "there" foot will end up!

***************************************************************

Once you're done screwing around with the interwebs, 
trying to find a mustache lover or steal another man's ho:
You still have those snacks to burn off.
Daniel Craig is waiting to strap you to a wicker chair
and flog your balls till you crack.

************************************************************

I'll leave you with this final thought.
This dress below is a cell phone.
Nope, no joke.  A tech team has created a dress that you plug
your SIM card into with the antenna around the bottom.
You know, to make sure the radiation targets your unborn
children instead of your superior mind.
The woman has to pose in a certain way to
begin and end the calls.
Can't wait to see that in action in a crowded subway, concert or club!
"Hang on, I can't hear you, let me see if I can get any better reception
if I put my legs up in the air on the bar!"

*************************************************************

Oh yeah, Football is back!
Even my eggs are pulling for the Broncos!
Have a great weekend everyone!

No comments:

Post a Comment