Ever have a reality check so severe it truly rocks you to your core? Friday really shook me up and I'm not sure how my pieces will fall.
I recently had an operations review of mine and a coworker's territories performance and profitability. Our boss was present, but the rest of the folks involved have what we refer to as dotted lines. That basically means they all think they are our bosses but we report to none of them. There was so much wrong with the whole turn of events it'll take me forever to break it down. So for brevity here are the main points to understand. First, I was once in charge of both territories in question but shouldn't have been burdened with such an enormous area with no compensation or additional resources versus every other counterpart I have in the country. Second, the other gentleman was praised for many things I actually accomplished in his territory, prior to his hiring. Third, I was raked over the coals for poor decisions I made in my territory. These same decisions made in his territory were praised.
After it was all said and done, I was beyond perplexed. I couldn't figure out what twilight zone I was experiencing. More over, one of the dotted lines has been up my ass about my territory being in a state of crisis. I'll have you know, my territory has out performed by leaps and bounds the other plus it is profitable with a decent margin and his is not at all. Things weren't adding up.
That effer up my ass has literally been my personal seagull via email (of course copying everyone save the president of the company) for the past two weeks. He's been squawking about every decision and move I've made trying to fix the non-crisis crisis. I was becoming exhausted. I've never encountered such ridiculous berating behavior in the workforce from someone whose position could be eliminated and performed by a part time hourly clerk. I hate the idea that he'll try to take full glory for my territory's phoenix style rise because of this incessant pestering.
So I finally broke and asked my boss what was going on. He let me in on the secret. And it ain't pretty. It isn't even rational. It was soul crushing. It made me cry. And, no exaggeration, can count the number of times I've cried since I was potty trained on my hands....most of which were due to injury.
Basically, they (dotted lines) do not like me. My boss is not sure if it was a particular incident prior to his assumption of me as a responsibility. He is pretty confident it has a ton to do with my prior association with the former manager in charge of me and these territories. He was of course fired and replaced by a buddy of the dotted line people (no joke, he was one of their employees they moved up as high as they could in the state before he had to move cross country. They brought him back subverting every rule in the company to do so.) If you search my blog for boss, you'll see that I had zero respect for the former chief. So this guilt by association is really crappy.
My boss then had to add his own speculation as to why they may not like me...obviously he's riding in their boat too. He basically told me I'm a know it all. I talk down to people. I'm abrasive. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. And that in many companies trailblazers get ahead...this one is not run by intelligent folks, in fact they are threatened by intelligence. Translation: it's all about politics.
Basically, I have no future with my company and it has nothing to do with my above average performance and everything to do with my personality and popularity rating. This is me that they hate. How do I fix that? My boss hopes that I'll use this negativity to better motivate myself. Motivate me to find something else to do? Motivate me to sue the shit out of them if they fire me? Sad thing is it will probably work the way he wants it to. Now I'm motivated to keep my head down and blow their socks off. Damn them. My ego did not need this assault, especially when I didn't know it existed. Wish me luck.