Friday, July 30, 2010

Mr. Fixit Has an Owie or Four

I think my wife may miss the exciting world outside of babies.  She asks me what my plans for the day are on a regular basis now.  She used to try to tune out my inane ramblings about work.  Now it's like manna from heaven.  Her brief glimpse beyond the bars, guards and cold, cold walls of her prison with a new born and a toddler.

Today I told her I was playing handy man.  I was going to install HVAC Air Filters and Florescent bulbs in my stores.  She was like "what, you can be Mr. Fixit at work when it's not your job, but you can't finish anything at home?"

I explained that I throw them off kilter when I stop by without obviously intruding and eaves dropping on how they interact with customers.  When I'm climbing around on a variety of giant ladders and appearing to just being there to accomplish a task, they tend to let your guard down much easier.

Yeah, so she let me know I still have some chores around the house to complete.

Today didn't necessarily kick my ass, but I certainly have several puncture wounds from the mishaps.  I also now know that a 240 pound man can be supported on a 15 foot ladder propped up on drywall.  That fact I was EXTREMELY reluctant to test, but can happily report all halting fears aside, I'm still alive and all walls are in tact.  

Back home this evening:  Normally not one to be guilted into work, I still tasked my self to accomplish something and I was not in the mood for yard work.  Ah ha! I'll find something I can do that will fill the entire living room with my efforts hopefully to be adored all the while, right?  AND the sofa seriously needed some attention.

The kiddo (21-month-old) loved the treasure hunt under the cushions.

The frame that supports the majority of our weight had dropped 3 inches and was held up solely on luck and the fabric batting that stretches below the couch.  This effer cost us around a grand a few years back and I wasn't about to let it get any worse...lest we have to purchase a new one!

I am no upholsterer, I'm no furniture maker, I'm no craftsman.  I'm just a guy who harms himself every time he attempts to use tools for an extended period of time.  No joke, I am amazed I have all my digits and limbs 30 years in!

I had to take the legs and frame apart.  I had to remove pieces that it turns out were installed by true craftsmen who covered their work so well, I didn't know there were nails used until I probably jacked up removed them.  I then had to remove a hundred or so upholstery staples.  The inside was gorgeously crafted with springs, wood, metal and fabric.  A slacker was obviously in charge of designing the support structure for the frame though.  These piss ant nails were supposed to hold three adults in place.  They failed

I got to break out the drill and everything!  Yeah, I'm a dork.

I put everything back together by the time we finished Hot Tub Time Machine.  Funny ass movie folks, really 80's camp movies were incredible and this was a true ode to them!  I even heard "Give me my Two Dollars!" on the ski slope!

All my labor was for naught!  Well not really.  I seriously feared the whole goddamned thing collapsing when I sat on it! Proud to report it did not.  I'm sitting on it now and haven't been jarred to the tile yet.  Did my lovely wife test it out?  No, she went to bed immediately after the movie ended.  Did I get any credit for the effort, let alone success?  Oh Hell No!

I don't expect praise and glory every day, but on occasion...BASK IN MY GLOW!

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