Saturday, July 10, 2010

Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Lohans

Our son came into the world on Tuesday!  Four red heads under one roof.  We are officially a flock of freaks.

I've been talking to my wife's grandmother about parenting and the joys and horrors that come along with it.  As she strolled down memory lane talking about her children and their follies and triumphs, my mind began to play out possible futures for my own brood.  I'm not neurotic like "Boy you're going to Purdue and then on to NASA, ya hear?"  But my mind did take its own dark stroll down the dark path of worst case scenarios and found myself thinking about Lindsay Lohan.  I know, I could stop there, it's pretty self explanatory right?  But what fun would that be?

So Ms. Lohan has really done a number on her life huh?  Her early fame gave her LOTS of money and attention.  The partying and what not isn't really that alarming.  It's a typical road most teens go down.  The difference is she has all that money to step it up a notch or fifty.  She's publicly ruining her credibility.  Even people who DO drugs and/or drink to excess (the majority of early twentysomethings) chastise her. Actors and directors won't work with her because she's just a mess.  This is the crap that back in the day (Judy Garland and Marylin Monroe) would have been covered up by the production companies.  Now in the TMZ, E!, ET, Perez Hilton, Rag Mag era, this is out there for all to see.

So what's your point Dorn?   The point is, while their daughter is twisting in the wind, her parents are using her fame and poor decisions to their advantage.  Before you think I'm going down this road...Everyone is responsible for their own actions.   She should serve time and have her license permanently taken away for the stupid shit she's pulled.   Dina and Michael Lohan have made a fortune representing, managing and pimping out their daughter.

Michael was on Fox News a couple times this week and literally made me want to puke.  He got offended when Shep Smith asked him about partying while his daughter was on trial.  He dropped the F-Bomb and stalked off the set.  Apparently that wasn't on the approved list of questions.  I don't get it, he's AN ABSOLUTE NO BODY being interviewed about his daughter, why is this a man they have to use kid gloves with?  Why Sean Hannity brought him back to clear the air is beyond me too.  Is he supposed to be conservative or something?  Is he a regular commentator?  What ever, I don't care for the station, but it got me riled up enough to decide this was going to be my blog post. 

Dina got her own reality show just because she is Lyndsay's Mother!  But I guess if you can get your own reality show because you're daddy was one of OJ Simpson's lawyers 15 years ago, any thing is possible. 

These two people forgot their role in all of this a decade or so ago.  These are her parents.  These are the ones who were supposed to teach her how to be an adult.  I'm not saying they should have kept her from experiencing life.  She is a very wealthy girl after all, there isn't much controlling that.  But they were too busy profiting off her to notice they hadn't finished their job.  The girl has been working since pre-puberty.  They've been racking up the coin ever since.  When she started to fall apart, they spun that in their favor.  They both, Michael especially, tout being in the spot light to try to help Lindsay.  That's a load of crap.  They've been out for themselves from the get go. 

We as parents have a responsibility to educate our children.  We are responsible for calibrating their moral compass.  We must ensure they know how to handle situations with grace or at the least not get themselves jailed or killed.  Someone needed to be guiding this girl during her life, not just putting a camera in her face. 

I can't believe I'm halfway defending this girl.  I don't think her parents are responsible for her actions, but they certainly are to blame for her not knowing how to restrain herself.  She's a train wreck and without Robert Downey Jr.'s talent, she's shit out of luck I'm afraid.  He's one of the few who could turn that kind of turd into gold.  Enjoy your state housing Ms. Lohan, we'll see you in a few.


  1. Congrats on the birth of your son, Dorn!! :)

    Great post, man. You know what I think about reality tv and people using it for fame/money, so I'm sure you can guess where I stand on parents using their daughter's fame as a springboard for that...

    I'll need to do some checking and see if she's still trying to sue eTrade for defamation of character or whatever. All I know is that if I was the judge, I'd laugh and throw that one right out of court.

    ("Ms. Lohan, I'm quite sure you've defamed your own character considerably more than anyone else will ever be able to do so. Besides, the ad was funny. Court dismissed! *bangs gavel*)

    When I saw the title, I knew it was going to be a good one and you didn't disappoint.

  2. Thanks John! Ha, that'd be great and I'm pretty sure a judge with the right attitude might just say it. I'm going to have to look up the eTrade commercial readers points for me here.