Friday, July 16, 2010

Eclipse, Yes the Twilight Kind

Took advantage of our last night with live in baby sitters this evening.  I took my wife to see the latest release of the Twilight Saga, Eclipse.
I've openly admitted reading the series to my wife last year.  I'm really not ashamed, it's crap writing, but for my first set of books to be read aloud, it wasn't the worst choice.  This means I actually know the story and what should and shouldn't be in the movies.  I'll leave my opinions of Stephenie Meyer's piss poor writing ability alone as it compelled us to read four books over the span of two weeks.  It's also created a teen phenomenon that must be acknowledged if not respected.  This post is dedicated to my dislike of modern movie effects/looks.

No it's not an orange and teal color palette film like Daybreakers and Tranformers.  If you have no clue what I'm talking about you might pop over to Into the Abyss, he'll break it down for you.  And no, it's nothing to do with the incessant stream of 3-D movies that just keep coming...seriously even Harry Potter is coming out in 3-D as the primary release.

There is something odd going on with the whole look of the film though.  I've noticed it in others, but only on the big screen.  Everything is entirely grainy.  So much of the screen was blurry.  My eyesight is not in question, I swear.  I think there is something going on with the conversion from digital recording to film for the projectors.  This is entirely a guess, and if you know the real reason, please feel free to break it down.  Just keep in mind I am not in the industry nor am I very technical, so use layman's terms if possible.

There might be some spoilers for any of you who have not seen the film, in what lies below.  If you're really concerned about me ruining the movie, a.) you're not a fan, otherwise you'd have seen it before me.  In that case, shut it.  b.) If you haven't read the books to know what's coming, please refer to point a.

Then there was the action.  Vampires are VERY fast.  So at the beginning when the Cullens and Wolves are chasing Victoria, the action was so swift it looked entirely CGI (yes, I'm sure it was partially, but this was over board).  The graininess didn't help here either.  During the huge fight scene at the end, I have the same complaint.

Now here's what will get me in trouble if any of you lovely people are true fans of the films.  The casting of the Cullens is just wrong.  These were supposed to be beautiful people, painfully beautiful.  So breathtakingly beautiful the whole town was intimidated.  While EVERY SINGLE ONE of the actors are gorgeous people, the makeup and crap hair ruins them for me.

Here's where I show how I know WAY too much about this series and how gay I really can be.
Edward is supposed to have copper curls, and as a red head, I'm not the happiest about his brown shag (even with the the highlights in the latest film).  I'm glad he kept his shirt on in this one, dude has a creepy boy chest with hairy nipples.  So much for Bella's perfect man.

Alice and Emmet, while sized wrong work for me.  This movie especially did the trick.  Emmet looked the best he has in any.  Alice's hair was more pixie-ish  which is really what I had envisioned.

Rosalie was supposed to be the most beautiful. While the chick is hot, she's just not all that and a bag of chips like she's supposed to be.  This film more than the others I noticed how horrible her eyebrow color is compared to her hair.  But the freaking nose was what killed me.  The thing was an odd gray color with mounds of makeup deforming it.  Her hair was cute when it was up during the flash back and braided during the fight.  I can't believe I'm actually criticizing this lady, she really is pretty, just not Rosalie.

Esme, while she is supposed to be older, she really looks it...really.  During the beginning's chase scene she looked deformed by the bueno.

Carlisle's hair has been gross in all three films.  Why would they have chosen such an unnatural yellow?  It's just jarring.

Jasper, now there's one I hated in the first couple films. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this guy.  This movie though had him as a more central character, so maybe that's why the change was so noticeable.  His hair was different, basically the same cut as his "mate" Alice.  Then there is the new accent.  It follows the books, but I wonder if anyone had read ahead to know he should have had a Texas drawl from the get go?

Bella looked her finest in this film.  Not like we really know what she should look like.  Stephenie Meyer intentionally left her a blank slate so any woman could project herself on to the character.  (Maybe I give the woman too much credit there, she might really just view women as nothing compared to the love of their lives.)  But her wig was so entirely distracting.  I couldn't figure out what I was actually looking at at first, but I guess Joan Jett did have super short hair compared to Bella. 

Charlie and the wolves were fine, I guess when you don't have the same opportunities to jack it up when they use human skin tones.  Billy telling stories by the fire looked especially real.
Renee looked really good.  But when she gets up from her chair her thong is hanging out the top of her mini skirt.  You have to ask why.  They choose every wardrobe piece and use a critical eye in every scene.  Why make her mom a middle aged whore?

Speaking of undies hanging out...Jake anyone?  His briefs were bunched up over his shorts in the back during every scene.  They had to make that call right?  You wouldn't have a man half naked the entire length of the movie without considering the fact that his underwear was hanging out.  Just odd.

My wife hated the switch to Bryce Dallas Howard, she really liked the look of the old Victoria.  I didn't mind.  But she's got some funky ass eyes.  They are so big the lids form a square around them.

So how hypocritical am I?  Out of shape no body criticizing some of Hollywood's most beautiful.  I have to say that as far as clothing style and enjoyable characters, I'd choose to be the Volturi hands down...especially the scene where they have their hoods up crossing the 
Know that all of these criticisms aside, the movie was still my favorite of the series.  Even with the gayest of gay scenes ever.  Edward and Jake were in the tent on top of the mountain with Bella asleep snuggled into the same sleeping bag as the wolf to warm up.  The boys in the love triangle were discussing their situation.  It was a super intimate sharing of emotions between the two leading men.  Seriously, the back and forth close ups of the two in the tent, one shirtless was intense.  Brokeback Mountain only wishes it could have had the same effect with nearly the exact set up.

Anyone still with me?  Tell me what you think. I can't believe I am using my 200th post for my retarded analysis of this franchise.  But it was my choice and here it is. 

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