Saturday, July 31, 2010

Cheating - So it's OK if you BOTH do it?

Escape by Rupert Holmes played on the radio as we drove home this evening.  You know, the Piña Colada song?  We both agreed that it's one of those songs you shouldn't like but can't help it.  Two reasons, it's really just a crap song from the early 80's.  Secondly, the situation he sings about is really horrible when you put any thought to it.

At surface level, it's a sappy love song about a couple who rekindles their relationship by discovering they have more in common than either realized.  How quaint, who would have ever thought that communication and taking an interest in each other would help, if not rejuvenate, a relationship?

So here are the lyrics, provided by Lyrics Depot

I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn-out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read

"If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape."

I didn't think about my lady
I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady
Have fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper
Took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet
I thought it wasn't half bad

"Yes I like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red-tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes
And she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant
I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady
And she said, "Oh it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment
And I said, "I never knew."

That you like Pina Coladas
Getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes of the Cape
You're the lady I've looked for
Come with me and escape

And for those of you now jonesing for a brief memory of yester year (I didn't realize it was 30 years old!) here's the song on youtube.

So basically, the woman has already started searching for someone new.  She's the one who posted the personal ad.  He's obviously in need of a diversion as well as he's searching the ads as well.  But he does admit that it "sounds kind of mean" so I guess he gets a pass on the whole initiating cheating thing.

Lemme point out that she has already laid out of us that her man doesn't have half a brain, and she has no clue about any of his guilty pleasures. 

But where it gets really fuzzy for me is, after they've set the rendezvous, they run into one another at the bar.  This is a bar where for all intensive purposes they both plan on meeting a stranger and running away from their spouses.  This is a bar where, NOW, their partners are also present.

She says "Oh it's you." It continues with "Then we laugh for a moment."  This my friends is where reality and love songs derivative. Because the next line would read   "Then the moment was through."  Followed by "Here's my lawyer's number, ass."  Or maybe, "Dick, you were picking up a Piña Colada drinking whore huh?  Unlike Lorena Bobbitt, my ass won't get caught."  I mean really, how did they know it was each other?  What would make you think that your husband is the one who responded and not just out for a drink at O'Malley's?

Instead, they find it endearing and say "I never knew."  My wife and I both agreed it's just something wrong with people who like crappy alcoholic beverages.  Real drinkers aren't nearly as sappy nor forgiving.  This is why my songwriting career has never taken off.  Well that and the fact that I've never tried.

I'll spare you my ideas on how to keep your marriage happy and healthy.  So cheers to all you lovers and leavers out there.  May you find what you're looking for...even if it's not in the form you expected!


  1. I'm glad I'm not the only person to have a laugh at the whole idea of this unrealistic song.

  2. The caveat to overanalyzing pop music is that you quickly realize it's all just drivel!