Saturday, April 24, 2010

Organ Donor Beware

I'm an organ donor, well, at least it's checked on my drivers license. 

After high school graduation, I spent a year of my life working as a Nurse Technician in surgery.  I was basically a glorified bio-hazard cleaner...but with some really wild extra responsibility.  I basically did everything that a Nurse and Doctor don't do for a surgery.  I've got a zillion stories, but will save them for a dry blog week.  The gist is that I did everything from shave a patient for surgery, transport them to the surgery room (or morgue...depending on how the next few steps went), prep the room and set out all the equipment and utensils, hold a body part (leg, head, arm, back, heart) for the doc to have a better working angle, hold scopes for endoscopic surgeries, run errands during surgery for the folks in the room, get yelled at for a doctor's screw up because they can never be wrong, to cleaning up the mess left behind after surgery.  Basically, I was the one before, during and after in the room.  Also means, I was the one not having a break like the doctors and nurses. 

One of the messier clean ups and subsequent corpse transportation was for a total harvest.  I know, it sounds like something celebrated with a cornucopia of fruit and a turkey leg, right?  It's where they take a consenting donor and remove all the valuable/working parts.  Here are a few things people don't probably know.  First, they keep your body alive after you've died to remove the corneas, heart and other vital organs that need blood coursing through them to prevent rotting.  (Don't try to argue the resurrection possibilities of a brain dead coma patients with a organ transplant surgeon.)    Also, when they take your bones for marrow transplants they put things back in their place so you look "supported."  The particular one I witnessed eventually had a  PVC pipe skeleton.

I plan to have this done when I die.  Presumably they'll be able to use something...probably not my liver, but definitely my heart, kidneys and corneas and possibly other giblets.  But I think I need to make some stipulations based on some recent articles I've run across.  First is the double arm transplant my cousin's fellow corps member recently received.  Follow the link to the video...freaking inspiring shit!  Then there is this freaky shit.  You remember the crappy Nick Cage/John Travolta flick Face-Off?  Well, apparently it's happened for reals.  Some Spanish doctors were able to keep a secret for a whole month.  Follow the link.  I'm going to believe this site's authenticity.  I can't wait to see this interview!

Note to my wife and family...all organs clear for donation...even my bones.  The exception is my face.  I don't like the idea of someone running around with my face unless I've done the leg work of implanting my sperm into the egg that makes them look like me!

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