Learned two new facts tonight doing light "research" for this post. Research meaning I looked it up on Wikipedia...knock it if you want, but most of the stuff on there isn't completely unreliable...especially if you're not looking stuff up about people. I actually looked up June Bugs. Before I began typing, I wanted to make sure I wasn't being just another Okie who calls something by a name ignorantly. I'm referring to Locusts with that reference. The link there is hilarious, so follow it! People in Oklahoma (and I assume many other parts of the country) call Cicadas locusts. Cicadas are those things that live in the ground for something crazy like 7 years before they climb up a tree and crack out of their skin. They chirp/sing so loud at night it's the only thing you can hear during their mating season.
I remember hearing about John the Baptist eating locust when I was in Sunday School back in the day and thinking...OMG THAT IS SOOOOOOO DISGUSTING! HE'S EATING BUG SHELLS! I soon learned later that locust is some kind of pod from the middle east...kinda looks like a tamarind pod to me. I'm pretty sure no one teaching this to kids thinks any differently, so that just shows you how ignorance begets ignorance.
Look, you've already learned so much that you never need to know and I haven't even told you about my RESEARCH! So I have seen these really bright green beetles that shimmer rainbows called both Japanese beetles and June bugs. No I wasn't trippin' when I saw them, they really do shimmer a like a rainbow in the light. I wanted to make sure we were all talking about the same bug when I called it a June Bug. The interesting facts that I learned aren't any thing major, but if you've ever been digging in your garden and seen those little grub worms (at least that's what I grew up calling them) that are white with orange heads and black butt, they are the larvae of June Bugs. I was always afraid to hold them because I thought the bit...in hind sight, I'm pretty sure my dad told me that just to scare me as a child. Guess what Mother Effer, it worked!
The second thing my research led me to was that the June Bug is from the scarab beetle family. So if you didn't know what those were, I can only tell you that the Mummy trilogy with Brenden Frasier used them a lot as a destructive force. They are like the piranhas of the bug species. Unlike locust that devour plants, scarab beetles devour flesh. Look Ma! I'm tying my wild meanderings from the beginning back to the main story! If she read my blog, I'm sure she'd be proud.
So the scarab thing is important to making a point that has now had an incredibly long build up...which I'm afraid may be a let down once you get to it. But anyhoo, you've come this far, why turn back now?
My wife HATES June Bugs! Now that I think about it, so does good ole Ma. Neither of them love bugs, but I have to say, these might be the worst for them. Nope take back that in terms of my mother, I think she hates water bugs (ooh ooh ooh, another colloquialism gone wrong somewhere, they are also called Palmetto Bugs) which most people think are giant cockroaches.
My mom has issues with any bug that flies at her. That goes doubly for my wife, especially with June Bugs. They catch in her beautifully curly hair. Which I get the pleasure of trying to settle her down long enough for me to free the retarded flier from her curly locks. Maybe they have every right to fear them...after all scarabs can seemingly devour your whole body in a matter of minutes.
I still don't know how these things have survived as long as they have, they seem to have zero eye sight. They just seem to fly until they hit something and grasp with their spiny legs. But god help them if they land on their backs...they are helpless. They will spin around for ever trying to grasp anything to help them flip over. You'd think natural selection would have weeded them out...but then I keep saying the same thing about the Kardashians and yet they're multiplying like crazy now!
We made a quick run to the store this evening. We were gone no longer than 20 minutes. We left the porch light on since it was dark. This is what we came back to. Yes that is over a dozen June Bugs on our screen door. There are countless more on the porch itself. I am pretty sure my wife didn't take a breath from the time she cornered the garage till I'd unlocked and opened the front door. If she wasn't pregnant, I would have been tossing a couple at her just for pure sadistic pleasure.
Wow, an entire blog about creepy crawlies...Grissom would be proud.