Friday, March 26, 2010

Teleportation or Hall Monitors

Let's pretend for a moment we are in a Hollywood movie ala John Hughes. Mega crisis and you must come up with a solution. There are only two possible choices. One is entirely implausible, the other is wholly impossible to arrange in the allotted time frame.

Today's crisis is ridiculous traffic caused by retards on the road. I'm not going into the ins and outs of Austinites lack of driving ability or balls behind the wheel. Trust me though, Austin is a tenth the size of LA and I'd choose LA's traffic any day over Austin.

The two choices for solving the problem are as follows. Someone needs to invent teleportation. Eliminate car/bus/plane/ship emissions and congestion altogether. Because Gene Rodenberry failed us all by not leaving exacting detail on how to accomplish this before the Star Trek god passed away, we must find an alternative. That leaves the only plausible option Roadway "Hall Monitors." Because actually making people better drivers is a laughable option. More so is having police officers do something other than write speeding tickets...I detest what has become of to Serve and Protect. Strictly Law Enforcement my ass...if it doesn't generate revenue for the city/county/state from the lowest hanging fruit, they can't be bothered.

So onward with my Roadway Hall Monitors. I remember being able to call on people who littered back in the day. I think they got a ticket mailed to them, but I'm not sure of the specifics. So I'd like to carry that thought over into civilians policing the roads. We all witness absurdly bad driving and law breaking and wish there was a cop around to catch the idiot/jerk. There of course never is...never a lonely radar gun.

I think we should either utilize the voice recognition systems in car computer systems or have a quick dial number for cell phones. Yes, I see the irony of using a cell phone to report bad drivers...leave me alone! Maybe have 5 red light runs reported by a civilian have your license suspended by a month. Have 2 driving straight from a right turn only lane (cutting off dozens of people who have waited through 8 lights to drive straight) be accompanied by 3 months of community service at a homeless shelter. And failure to yield causing an accident and then continuing on as if you did nothing wrong bear a penalty including but not limited to a public flogging.

Just throwing out ideas on the fly here, but if I sit down and think about all the incredibly stupid/deadly things people do this blog could go on for miles. Be glad I'm growing bored with typing and ready for bed. Now if only our movie could have an incredibly happy ending where the genius who came up with the incredible idea sees it successfully fulfilled and gets to mug down with the hottie, but likeable leading lady.

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