Thursday, February 4, 2010

In the Event of a Water Landing...

To steal from Comedian Robert Schimmel here...Water Landing? You mean crashing in the fucking ocean?

I have some issues with the people who work in the air travel industry. I know everyone has bad days and passengers who don't travel often are righteously retarded. It just seems if you've chosen this line of work, you'd anticipate it and work with it, not against it.

First the folks who take your bags and give you boarding tickets - about 50/50 on pleasant but efficient versus testy and indignant. The folks working security screening, sadly to say, are probably the most consistent and friendly. Don't break a rule and you'll have no problem. Then there are those sad little wonders working the food courts throughout airports around the country. These people are given security clearance to get in and out of the airports as if they were pilots or FAA administrators. They are the most disgruntled, unapproachable, dim-witted, jack asses I've ever encountered. If you are too big of a retard to be employed by Taco Bell in the real world, you'll fit right in at Quizno's at Pittsburgh airport. I could write a dozen blogs on that single experience alone, but suffice it to say, I've never really had a good airport food purchasing experience...seriously.

Ticketing gate people think they are rulers of the earth, I'll leave it that because out of the 20 or so bad experiences I've had, only one time have I caused the issue that became the point of contention between them and me. However, I was always made to feel as though I was retarded beyond repair and I should be offering blow jobs to merely be in their presence.

So, once inside the plane, it's a different story. Flight Attendants are over qualified cocktail waiters. That said, they have the service industry mentality and because you're stuck on the little flying tin box with them, they're more apt to remain pleasant with you.

That is until this last trip from Baltimore to San Antonio. I rarely see a male flight attendant, but this flight had two! One was the stereo typical gay man, but the other was a very intimidating rather large black man. His biceps were the size of my head. He was reviewing the emergency exit protocol with the folks a few aisles in front of us. He seemed to take his job more seriously than most, but none the less, he was dealing with a completely full plane and therefore safety was the utmost priority. After giving his spiel, he pointed individually at each passenger in the seats on this row and asked them for a yes or no answer. "Can you handle this responsibility and can you lift the 50 pound door?" All on the left confirmed, but he gets to number 5 of 6 on the right and encounters a little smart ass middle aged woman. I couldn't make out what she said, but it was definitely not a single word answer. He raised his voice and asked her to take this seriously as she would be putting all our lives in danger if she is unable to do it. Idiot still didn't say yes and he threatened to throw her off the plane. He got the other male flight attendant and she complied, but holy hell? Later as he worked our area, he was funny and pleasant, so it really was just an idiot who jacked with the wrong guy!

The moral of the story, Airport Personnel Suck and Don't fuck with people who can eject you from a plane!

No comments:

Post a Comment