Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Censoring Yourself

My boss and I have a long distance relationship. This isn't abnormal for a corporation but it is for me. I've always had a boss who I could go to and talk things over with in person. I work 3 hours away from mine though.

Last year when they dumped a new responsibility into everyone in my position's lap, the chain of command was altered. Instead of reporting directly to the person in charge of Austin and San Antonio, I now report to someone with technically less power but is in charge of my division for all of South Texas. He had to adjust to the change just like I did.
I didn't realize how much easier it is to communicate with a person face to face on a regular basis until it wasn't an option. I find myself being ultra cautious of my words and actions when in direct contact or view of my boss now. It's not like I'm doing anything wrong, but because he only sees me on rare occasions, I feel like I'm being judged even more so than normal.

I'm not going to say it stresses me out to be judged. I do find myself not quite saying what I'm really thinking or overdoing it to ensure my point is driven across the state properly. Maybe I'm just over analysing like I usually do. I just wish I had a little more feed back about his real assessment of me beyond the critiques he gives me when I've censored myself to the point I sound like an idiot. Be true to yourself is probably the best advice a fortune cookie ever gave. Maybe I should crack it open and not follow it up with "in bed."

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