Sunday, November 1, 2009

I'm Not A Statistic

Tuesday my old boss comes in the office sick as a dog. As he's hacking all over everyone, he announces that no one is to come to work sick as they'll get everyone else sick. Dumbass.
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So, now I'm sick. It's the flu: I'm achy, exhausted, coughing with a sore throat and fever. I went to the doctors to verify I didn't have Swine Flu. They had me wait outside until someone brought me a mask to enter the lobby. Smart really. The nurse does the usual Q&A while she checks my vitals. Then she pulls out one of those long QTip thingies. She shoves it into the back of my nose. My eyes teared up and I was squirming all over the place. She kept saying, I know it's bad, but I have to get all the way in there. Then she did the other!!! As she was finishing up I had to ask her for a Kleenex and let her know until then I hadn't had a problem with my nose. She laughed.

So the MA (I've heard of a PA or Physicians Assistant, but no clue what an MA is) comes in to check me over. The test came back and I DON'T HAVE SWINE FLU. She said it is definitely viral and probably did get it from the boss. Then she started explaining the medication she's prescribing. Tamiflu. She made an off-hand comment about it not causing the flu like people were claiming and then began to give me instructions. I said, wait, what are you talking about it causes the flu. She explained that you're supposed to take it as a precaution for five days and if you develop the flu you continue for five more days. Otherwise you double up and take it for only five days if you've come down with symptoms within 48 hours. WTF? It is supposed to make the whole thing last less time. OK great, but why even throw out a shadow of a doubt?

To top it off, I got back to the car and my wife pointed out that the prescription was filled out to the wrong person...not me. When I went back in to get it corrected, the office manager looked like he was going to chop the MA's head off. I tried to brush it under the carpet, but I probably got her written up. Shit happens you know? But then again, this is the stuff that lawsuits are made of.

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