Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Bogus Federal Medical Advice

Women should wait to get their mammograms done and do them less frequently. Women should wait to get their pap smears done and do them less frequently.

How the hell is it possible for two separate, supposedly scientific based entities come up with the same conclusion about two women's cancer preventative procedures in the same week?

How are we supposed to believe it is pure coincidence that it coincides with the rushing demand that the health care reform bill be passed? The bill which will limit the amount of every kind of medical procedure people are allowed to receive.

In no way am I an expert or could I even hold a debate with proponents of the bill. That said, as an outsider (male and I'm not in the medical field) this sounds like a line of bullshit a used car salesman with a fabulous 73 Gremlin would be ashamed to use.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Sausage Fest

Today was utterly worthless. I seriously accomplished nothing of note. A conference call, some emails and an interview. The rest of the day was spent in an office bullshitting with fellow managers. There was no fleet, so they weren't busy. I think Aaron searched for UT tickets for 6 hours today. Highlight might have been that Rick was wearing a cheap knock off of the identical outfit I was wearing. At any given point there were 6 to 8 male managers in one tiny office just sitting around and goofing off. So I guess it was ultimately a really enjoyable day. Hope you can have one like it too.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Attention Whores

I love to be the center of attention...I passed that gene on to my daughter. For the most part, I believe most people have this constant need for positive feedback. So, maybe I shouldn't criticize these freaks of nature for doing what comes naturally to all of us. Screw that, of course I should. How the hell do people like Kim Kardashian and Levi Johnston continue to gain popularity/gawking audiences?

OK, so reality stars become famous because they make fools of themselves on national television. But they weren't famous until they were on a retarded show.
Take Nichole Richie, she was a famous person's daughter. She got a show because of it, but really no one knew her until Paris and Nichole hit big with the Simple Life. Fine, she...this is hard for me to put into words...did something before she was the Rodeo-Drive-Slag.
Fucking OJ Simpson gave us three (not counting other opportunistic family members associated with Kim) famous players from his trial. Greta van Susteren channeling Ron Perlman in "Beauty and the Beast" has her own TV show. Kato Kaelin...WTF folks? But the ultimate is Kim Kardashian, daughter of Killer's lucky ass lawyer. Who the hell could have predicted that crap? No the dancing Itos don't factor in to this.

We've dealt with the Gotti family parading the my daddy was a mobster fanfare on our TVs. Hell if you're a TV personality from E! you're automatically in the ring to get your own reality show.

So that leads me to my latest annoyance...Levi "in hind sight how did I not know boinking the Governor's daughter would be my ticket to success" Johnson. Really folks, why do we care? Why are we booking him on shows? Why aren't people lambasting him for being an absentee father? Why is it OK for his only quality...being a schmuck...what makes him famous? He an K-Fed should start a reality show...how to ride the coattails of my famous baby mama!


Isn't there an old saying something like...Famous for being talented or are they talented because they are famous? Whatever...I may be just jealous because they have a ridiculous amount of money for absolutely nothing!!!


Sunday, November 15, 2009

I'm Not Fat, I'm Fluffy!


Gotta get in shape pronto!!! I have 6 weeks til family pictures with the in-laws and refuse to be the fat ass of the group. Went for a brisk walk with the family today. It was only two miles and we took a swing break for about 20 minutes between miles. I'm sweaty and my legs hurt. I just turned 30 and should not be the fluffy man I am today. As we prepare for the second bun in the oven, the wife has to get in shape as well. I guess it's the right motivation for her, I'm just vain and don't have anything to back it up. If I can quit smoking, I should be able to continue a work out routine, right? That said, I've stopped and started several times, but gotta look only at the positive right now. If I can drop down to my pre-cubicle-life weight over the next year, I'd be happy. That's only 40 pounds. I'd still be considered overweight for a 6' tall man, but I can deal with that once it comes around.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Make it Work

While trying to get my one-year-old daughter to fall asleep (unsuccessfully) to night, I saw a side of her never before specifically defined. She grabbed my ear and twisted as hard as she could. I winced in pain and her eyes suddenly brightened. She twisted harder and I winced more. Then the wicked smile cracked across her face. The little brat enjoyed causing me pain. There was a sadistic side of her that I've suspected but never explicitly seen.

Now, she's been developing a very strong personality over the last couple months that honestly cracks me up. But this was cruelty causing pleasure. I guess the innocence had to have a point that it would begin to fade. Not gone, but the first noticeable diminishing moment.

Yes, I'm over analysing my child, but I hadn't actually scrutinized it until I saw a moment on Project Runway tonight that brought clarity to it. It's part one of the finale. Carol Hannah is apparently infectiously sick. Irina had this look of shear pleasure overcome her. It's quite disgusting when you think about it...joy from some ones pain...but more common than it should be.

Irina's look and my daughter's look were identical. Damn...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Bob Vila Would Kick My Ass

I had 3 aluminum "towing enforced" signs made for one of my stores last week. I thought I was going to screw them in place and be done with it. Then I realized I couldn't use the poles in around the parking lot because they are owned by the city. So, that leaves me with parts of the building and one of our pylon sign posts for placement. From some type of concrete on the building to the metal post of the sign, I wasn't going to be drilling anything into them.
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New tactic - I'll use adhesive to affix them. Sounds simple enough right? So I read the labels on dozens of items at Home Depot and decide the quick set epoxy will be my best bet. The store manager is a five foot tall 22 year-old Puerto Rican girly-girl. She is a genius, so I asked her to read the instructions to make sure I was following them properly. I needed a "disposable wooden stick" to blend the two chemicals together that apparently is not included. Why wouldn't they just include one in the package? I think she jumped when I whacked an old thingamajig against the shelf to break it in half to make the "tool" necessary for the job. This crap smelled like a perm...yes like what you do to your hair to get 80's curls. Totally Gag-Tastic. +
After 10 minutes of holding this sign in place in the heat of the afternoon we determine it's good. I come back with a second sign for the other side and see that the first has slid so it is now crooked. She laughed at me until I made her hold up the wall as it continued to dry and headed across the parking lot. 10 more minutes holding the 5 minute quick set and I realized I suck.
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Went to Lowe's and asked for help this time. The lady recommended this silicone metal roofing stuff that required a caulking gun. Sure why not. My store manager laughed and laughed at me as that turned out to be an even bigger failure. I made her clean up my mistake and headed back to Lowe's to get better advice and a refund.
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Leave it to a couple of men to point me in the right direction. I show back up with my new product in hand and not only does it look more like what I'd originally thought I was purchasing, but it freaking worked instantly!
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Third time was the charm, but my ego is bruised and honestly I know that in the future I'll ignore my company's no-spend policy and hire someone to do this crap for me.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Naughty Subconcious


A friend gave my daughter a puzzle that makes animal noises for her first birthday. All of the animals are alone in their wooden puzzle pose except for the mice. I'm not sure if breaking the pattern was necessary, especially if this is what they decided to go with. Maybe I'm just a perv. Decide for yourself.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

I'm Not A Statistic

Tuesday my old boss comes in the office sick as a dog. As he's hacking all over everyone, he announces that no one is to come to work sick as they'll get everyone else sick. Dumbass.
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So, now I'm sick. It's the flu: I'm achy, exhausted, coughing with a sore throat and fever. I went to the doctors to verify I didn't have Swine Flu. They had me wait outside until someone brought me a mask to enter the lobby. Smart really. The nurse does the usual Q&A while she checks my vitals. Then she pulls out one of those long QTip thingies. She shoves it into the back of my nose. My eyes teared up and I was squirming all over the place. She kept saying, I know it's bad, but I have to get all the way in there. Then she did the other!!! As she was finishing up I had to ask her for a Kleenex and let her know until then I hadn't had a problem with my nose. She laughed.

So the MA (I've heard of a PA or Physicians Assistant, but no clue what an MA is) comes in to check me over. The test came back and I DON'T HAVE SWINE FLU. She said it is definitely viral and probably did get it from the boss. Then she started explaining the medication she's prescribing. Tamiflu. She made an off-hand comment about it not causing the flu like people were claiming and then began to give me instructions. I said, wait, what are you talking about it causes the flu. She explained that you're supposed to take it as a precaution for five days and if you develop the flu you continue for five more days. Otherwise you double up and take it for only five days if you've come down with symptoms within 48 hours. WTF? It is supposed to make the whole thing last less time. OK great, but why even throw out a shadow of a doubt?

To top it off, I got back to the car and my wife pointed out that the prescription was filled out to the wrong person...not me. When I went back in to get it corrected, the office manager looked like he was going to chop the MA's head off. I tried to brush it under the carpet, but I probably got her written up. Shit happens you know? But then again, this is the stuff that lawsuits are made of.